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Dudley, my chocolate lab on the carpet of golden leaves~ Today was my last long run before we head out to Sacramento, CA for the California International Marathon. This will be our 3rd year participating. Years 2010 and 2011, Chris and I ran the full marathon. This year, I have put together for the first time a Canadian relay team. Eight people from different parts of Canada will come together to run this event, five runners and 3 guides. Dudley (my chocolate lab) and I were out the door at 9:15am with temperature of 0 degrees. It was one of those runs that you go out of the door with no plans, no nutrition and no water. I don't know what i was thinking. We were at 12K when we hit the dike and we both needed some water. I walked him into the ladies washroom and with my hands cupped under the running water and quenched my thirst. I look at my dog and told him to drink out of the toilet bowl for his water, he kind of looks at me thinking 'surely you don't expect me to drink out of the toilet bowl!' So back to the tap, cupping my hands giving him several handfuls of water. Well, now at least we are rehydrated and ready to run the last 12K. It was a quiet run, my mind was quiet, and all I could hear was Dudley rhythmic panting as I followed the edge of the road to home. As soon as we got home the sun was starting to make her appearance, yes, it is going to be another glorious day and am thankful that it was an accident free run. A couple hours later, I had to go out and do some shopping for our Team (Canada, Eh?) goody bags. Dudley was eager to keep me company and join me for a 5K walk. So out the door we go, walking up the hill the sun was on my back and felt so good. As i looked down the sidewalk I had a shock, I saw my shadow and seen something I had never seen before. It was the silhouette of me, my dog and my cane. My eyes started to sting, water welled up, and a lump in my throat. A silent, private sob escaped my mouth. I came to realization that this is who I am now. The cane is part of me. The sadness didn't stay long, seconds later I caught myself thinking, yes, this is who I am and I have accomplished many things that I am proud of, and will continue to do so. Only now, I have company. Cane and able. Is this acceptance? Well, maybe it is beginning. I am sure many of you who is reading this, had that 'aha!' moment of realisation and self discovery. What was your moment? COMMENTS ARE WELCOME. Picture: top left - Dudley, my chocolate lab on a golden carpet of fallen leaves ~
8 Comments
Chris
11/10/2012 01:01:48 am
Another great chapter in your life Rose thanks for sharing it. For my part it's hard not being there by your side right now, but in my own way I am determined to be by your side at the CIM. Of course the 'cane' is part of you now, as is your continued desire to be all that you can and not allow 'Ushers' to define you. You are and always will be a very special individual.
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Laura
11/10/2012 02:36:10 am
While on the bus hearing some people mentioned, "Look at the blind lady, how she can read her book”? I am sitting with a book in my hands and the folded white/red cane on my lap. Another person spoke up louder and asked "Are you faking blind”? I looked up to see what was going on than noticed it was me that everyone was staring at. I remember thinking why can't I just be normal and not look blind. Was also remembering what does blind look like? It was an emotional day to deal with the label that day since it was when I started to use my cane. I did take the time to share with the people on the bus what RP was and how I could read but still need a cane.
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Rose
11/12/2012 10:34:25 pm
I sure can understand that must of been a tough day for you. taking the time out to educate people was probably the best lesson of awareness you had given them. xx
Rose
11/12/2012 10:30:50 pm
I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful comments and continuing support.
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Linda
11/16/2012 01:30:41 am
Thanks Rose and Laura for these stories. It is often difficult to accept who we have become. Yet you will not be defined by your vision hearing loss. You will be defined by how you don't let this situation get in your way and you find the path forward to meet whatever goal you set.
Rose
11/17/2012 12:25:22 am
Linda, thank you for your support as well! Keep on keepin' on :)
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Suzy
11/18/2012 08:42:57 am
Wow! What a moment! Yes, i gave been there many times. Often when i see someone look at my struggle as insignificant. Why that hurts, i can't say. It is always Best Foot Forward for me because that's how i was raised:)
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Rose
11/19/2012 01:04:39 pm
Thank you Suzy. We are all so unique with our struggles and we develope strenght and courage to keep our best foot forward ;) xx
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