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Grieving is something we all do at some point in our lives for many different reasons. I believe it is good to grieve, it helps me to adapt, to be brave and to accept the loss. Like many of you, we all had experienced loss, so I am sure you understand what I am saying. I have accepted that I am going blind, but funny thing is, it is not a one shot deal. Because Retinitis Pigmentosa is a progressive disease, I continue to grieve many times over, every time there is a new change in my eye sight: the tunnel gets smaller, the flashes get brighter, the colors get duller and so forth. Funny, I don't grieve about my hearing loss, I've had it all my life and I don't know it as a loss. But with RP, I know its a continual journey of loss, because I remember what the sky looked like when I had full vision. It was vast, glittery and beautiful, and thought, even as a child, I was just a tiny little speck in all of this vastness. I remember my dad, a long time ago, laying on the grass during summer evenings and he would passionately talk about the universe and point out the stars and name them all the naked eye could see. It was magical, I remember it well. Now, many years later, I scan the skies so many times looking for those stars, all I see is blackness. But there is hope. Chris showed me that hope. He was determined that I will see stars again. One summer night he set up some pillows on the deck, turned off all the lights in the house and the world became black. I couldn't see a thing, Chris says to me "be patient, give your eyes a chance to adjust" and I'm thinking to myself, why do I need to adjust? black is black! Right? After about 20 minutes or so, he takes my hand and points to a star and says follow the line to where your finger is pointing, and you will see a star. After a few minutes of focusing I saw a flicker! I grew very quiet, and started to cry, but this time it was not because I was sad, it was because I was happy to see a star and not just one, but three stars. Chris even had a back up plan if I couldn't see stars. He then took me to another deck at the front of his house and sat me down on a chair. I hear Chris moving about behind me but kept my eyes on the deck. Suddenly, strings of lights lit up across the deck like a constellation. It was magical, and I will always remember it. Now, I have a Magnicon telescope awaiting for me to once again explore the heavenly skies. It will be magical. There is hope...
6 Comments
Tashi
3/21/2013 01:04:41 pm
Thanks for this. A year ago I visited Uluru, the massive red rock in the centre of Australia. Way up there on my bucket list. One night I went out to an observation deck. Lights along the pathway were motion sensitive and would go off when you arrived to the top of the hill. As it was out in the middle of nowhere and the lights were off at the campsite, it was pitch black and I could see a sky full of stars! I couldn't remember the last time I had seen stars like that. That night, I saw THREE shooting stars. Which means there must have been at least ten times that many that I didn't see! I'll never forget that night either. Pure magic.
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Rose
3/24/2013 12:31:33 pm
Tashi, thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure it was an incredible experience! Beautiful!
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Chris
3/22/2013 02:05:54 am
I remember that night so well too, how I cried alongside you, tears of happiness. I was privileged to be part of you seeing the stars once more if just the 3 I remember you finding. We'll do it again, your journey isn't an easy one I realise, but I'll always do my best to make it as problem free as i can. You are are my bestest bestest friend I will be by your side for as long as I am able. As the song says 'For the days I have left, we will walk in fields of gold'
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Rose
3/24/2013 12:33:00 pm
You are the sweetest man I know, a truly great friend xx
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Emmadenuse
3/25/2013 08:07:46 am
Beautiful reading.. I have felt all those things and experienced that grief and shed those happy tears. When I saw the sun faintly shine again I realises there's hope and more hope. Best wishes x
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Rose
3/25/2013 12:34:36 pm
Emmadenuse, Hope is what we aim for ! Best Wishes to you too! xx
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