Blah, BLah, BLOG
For as long I have known me, which is a very long time (smile), I am that same person who loves to laugh, be silly, be adventurous, be serious, be afraid, be me. So what had changed? It seems the more vision I lose, the more people in my life fade away. Some family, some friends chooses not to see me beyond my vision loss, I don't understand what is it that they are afraid of? I often wonder if I embarrass some of my family and friends because of my vision loss, do I make them feel awkward? Am I a burden to you because I don't drive or be able to come to you for a visit? I often feel sad and isolated because of this. This was especially hard when I was a teenager, because at that age, we are learning to drive or driving. You can hop in the car, drive to McDonalds, hang out with friends, go to parties, shopping with girlfriends, or just going out for a drive. I never got my driver's license, I was too scared, being newly diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, I was afraid and unsure if I had enough vision to drive. So early on in my life I was experiencing isolation from my peers. Most classmates did not know I was going blind, let alone being hearing impaired. I hid that from a lot of people. Fooled many, even myself. It took many years before I actually understood what going blind is like. Now in my 50's I still have those feelings of isolation. Some days I forget that I am going blind and other days it really hits me. More than anything, it is society that reminds me of my blindness - body language, avoidance, and ignorance plays a big part of that. The rest is how I perceive myself as a blind person. Yes, I forget to take my cane out on more days I care to remember. Chris (my partner) always says, "Rose, I know your sight impaired, but the others don't, take your cane." Damn, he is so right!